That's all we need.

"Gimme, gimme that thing called love!" The last note rings around the rehearsal/ dance/ whatever room. Nailed it, and I never thought with my nerves and how dry my throat felt just seconds ago that I'd be able to hit it and sustain it but things went better than expected.

 "That's all we need. Thank you for coming." The panel smiles and I collect my sheet music from the pianist who gives me a sympathetic smile, walking out the room my only thoughts are "Don't cry, don't cry, don't bloody cry!"

 That's all you get, you spend hours waiting around working yourself up, your heart apparently deciding it wants to become a gymnast as it does backflips in your chest and your stomach ties itself into such a tight knot that food is not an option, no matter how long you're there for. Then after weeks of preparation your sixteen bars are through and "That's all we need..." It's brutal, and frustrating!

 What did I do wrong? Why didn't they like me? You'll just never know.

 Auditioning isn't fun, no matter how you try and spin it into a performance it's terrifying! The only moment of calm you get is when you start to sing and everything just melts away and you think, "yes, this is why I'm putting myself through this." To sing, to act, to do the thing I love the most. 

 I've known all along that wanting to become a performer would be so much harder than I could imagine. After every rejection I'd have to pick myself up again and prepare for the next one. I've come up with my own method of dealing with it. I allow myself to mope about for a couple of hours/ a day, depending on how much I wanted the job or what I'm doing with the rest of my day, then let it go. 

 I can't just let it go straight away. a) I'm not wired in that way and b) It's hard when you really care about something! But allowing myself time to be sad means that when it comes to moving on and picking myself up again it's a lot easier!

 So that's where I am. Picking up the pieces of loosing the role of Tracy Turnblad (I really wanted this one) and trying to move onto the next opportunity, whatever that is.

Wish me luck, the same to you!

Annabelle

xoxo