Another day, another rejection. I didn't get the one from Sunday and, yes, I'm hugely disappointed.
"What did I do wrong? Why didn't they like me?"
I'm okay at dealing with rejection, but every now and again (usually after a couple of them in a row) I get those horrible voices that pop up in the back of my mind.
You're not good enough, you can't even get a supporting role in regional theatre what makes you think you can become a professional? You're 23 years old, that's too old to just be starting you should already be there. And then a list of people I admire and where they were at my age. (Aaron Tveit was already on Broadway in Hairspray no less, Sam Barks was in the Les Miserables movie! And you are sat on your behind at your parents... keep dreaming.)
It's probably safe to say the reason I can deal with rejection and criticism well is due to the fact they will never be as harsh as my own mind. It all starts with one thought then my brain grabs onto that and runs with it, going around and around in circles until we're back at square one and curled into a ball of self loathing and tears.
It used to cripple me, but I've got a lot better. I still think that way, I think we all do at some point, but I know not to let it affect me so much. So what those people were at so and so by my age, they're not me, they haven't been through my journey. When the time is right for you it will happen.
So I will keep being as prepared as possible for each and every audition and try my hardest to keep those voices at bay. I mean 23 isn't too old, right? In the eyes of everyone outside the theatre community I'm young! I just need to keep telling myself that.
Wish me luck, the same to you.
Annabelle
xoxo
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